I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
