so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
