My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
