you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
