Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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