I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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