mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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