we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
