I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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