i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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