pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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