Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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