i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
