who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
