i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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