whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
