Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize