Moan for me like Helen Keller
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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