I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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