we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
