I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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