So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
