every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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