She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
