Already got asked if we're dating
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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