Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize