So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
