dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
