How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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