i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
