I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
