I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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