if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize