today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
