Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Semen is not good for contacts.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
