If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
