I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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