Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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