life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize