am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
