Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
