so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
