the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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