you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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