I skipped work to stalk him.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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