Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
