omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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