why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
