If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
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