I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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