dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
