I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize