just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
