wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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