you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i black out too much to be "responsible"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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