Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
