I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize
