The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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