But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize