I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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