Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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