Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
