Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
