Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Randomize
