my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
