Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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