he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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