"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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