I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
