my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize