You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
