I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
