i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
