Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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