you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I want a musical about memes.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize